After a long visit from a friend, I was walking back to my family’s house from the train. Since it was late, I had my computer on me, and I was looking quite cute (if I do say so myself), I was extra wary of my surroundings. This is not a neighborhood where boys looking cute is appreciated.
In any case, I reached my block thinking I was home free. Unfortunately, three young men were sauntering by (I’m always wary of groups of me. Nothing good can come of them). One whispered something to the others. Another responded. My eyes darted around for an easy escape should something happen. I hear the first one exclaim: “That’s a nigga?!?” I try to maintain my pace. Who knows what the reaction will be if I run. Besides, I’ve got my headphones on. They might not even know I heard. The first one continues: “Wow, that’s a faggot right there…”
As I reach the house, they pass the corner and disappear… Safe?
Well, the story is complicated by the fact that I don’t have the house keys and my family was asleep. I had a little panic moment. I eventually got in and was able to think about the event in a more than survival mode. Three things bothered me.
First, I’m apparently a “nigga.” boo. This has become synonymous with black man in the black community. Oh yes, the men were black. I grew up in an all black community and it’s still pretty much the same.
Second, I believe that before I was determined to be a man, I think the first guy was going to try to talk to me. Now, it was 1am. If I were a woman, I don’t think I would appreciate a pack or men coming on to me in an empty street. Just don’t do it.
Third, I think the first guy got most upset because he thought I was a woman and was attracted to me. These are the times when heteros get the most violent. I think that if he knew I was a man from the start, nothing would have happened. That’ll teach me to try and look cute when I leave the house.
As I was researching what to call this post, I looked up the term “close call” in Wikipedia. Apparently “human error is commonly and initiating event.” That got me to thinking: My home is not one of those places where I can dress any way I want to dress even though I’m now comfortable with my sexuality. Who are the other people who, at the risk of being blamed for violence against them, have to watch how they dress and behave? women… anybody else? So is it just homos and ladies? What’s the deal with that? Who benefits? Are there different reasons for this societal policing? or is it all the same?
